Shhhhh'd at my own library

The Swearing Librarian is pissed off - I just got shhh'd at my own library, and not even by another librarian, but by a security guard! Now I admit that there may have been times in the past where my teen friends and I have been having such a good time that we cause quite a ruckus (like the time one boy wrapped another with my duct tape and told him to try and hop around the library) but this was not one of those times. A girl was excitedly talking about how her family used to live in New Zealand and how she would love for them to go back there, said "I love it!" a bit louder than normal and the security guard shhh'd her. At the time I said "Oh, c'mon, she wasn't that loud", and then about 20 moinutes later he came and told me "If I tell someone to be quiet, they have to be quiet. If I let one person make that much noise, then everyone will think it's ok ... it's my job, not yours, to tell them to be quiet". Actually Mr Security Guard, you are wrong, it's my job to maintain the general peace in the teen area, and if they get particularly rowdy, THEN it's your job. And she wasn't even rowdy! Even though I stood up for myself, he still made me feel like I'd done something wrong, when really I hadn't.

I think this is wrong in so many ways, and I am very conflicted. I can understand that if the teens are having a custody battle or yelling about how fucked they were (literally and figuratively) at the party last night, they should lower their voices and/ or be kicked out. But yelling "I loved it!" - give me a fucking break, there is nothing wrong with that. I swear more than half the kids in the teen area do, and you don't see me being kicked out ... not yet, anyways. Just give me time. And being shhh'd by a security guard - I feel insulted. Not all of the security guys (and gals) at the library are as annoying as him, and for the one who may be reading this blog right now, you're one of the good guys. Could you kindly please kick his ass for me? You're bigger than him - you could take him on. The problem with me telling him to piss off is that I do need to have him "watch my back" at many times in the teen area, and it's hard to say, but I suspect he could take my telling him to fuck off the wrong way. And lastly, doesn't he know that he's not qualified to tell people to shhh? I went to university for a total of 7 years to be able to gain that priviledge, and if he thinks he can bypass all that valuable education he is sadly mistaken.

As Simple as Snow

This teen novel by Greg Galloway is a real gem - and like my favourite tv show that I just went on and on about, it leaves you with more questions than answers. Which, for the record, is a good thing. Its unnamed male narrator speaks like the young man in The Virgin Suicides, and for any teens who like mysteries full of clues (and not crappy Da Vinci-type clues) this is the story for them. Anna (Anastasia) Cayne is self-proclaimed Goth who moves to a small American town, has a "normal" teen boy fall in love with her, writes obituaries for all 1,500 inhabitants of the town, and disappears. It's not likely that she committed suicide but everything else is up in the air, and the labyrinth of art, magic, and secret codes that surrounded her as just as present after she disappears. The narrator is desperate to find her again, and the town is full of gossip about what happened. At 306 pages it might be a little long for some teens, and the many twists and turns and leisurely tone could turn some off from it, but those who stick with it will be rewarded with a great ending.

Lost and Shakespeare ... no, I'm not making an analogy!

"Did you not hear me, brother? I crashed your bloody plane!"

Tell me, honestly, is there a better show on tv right now than Lost? I came onto it a little late in the game and missed much of the first season, all because I saw 5 minutes of a show and thought it would be Survivor-type crap, but nothing could be farther from the truth. They've actually come up with classes studying the show at some universities, that's how awesome it is! I love that there are so many characters they can afford to kill off a couple and still have lots of good ones left, unlike The O.C., where now that Marisa is dead they are a little screwed. I love the freaky coincidences, the polar bears, the weird things in the forest, the electromagnetic reversals, the Others, the crazy French lady, the Scottish guy, the Naveen Andrews character, and the way they end every show with a shocker-type cliffhanger. I love how it's so confusing that it leaves the viewer with many more questions than answers - like why the hell are some Russian guys in a snowstorm calling the Scottish guy's girlfriend in the night to tell her that they think they found "it"? For once, an American show that actually makes people think! What a concept. In a world of American Idols, Bachlorette's and figure skating celebrities, it's only crime was having both a script and a plot. A little risque, I know, but all the freaky fans on the message boards seem to agree that this is a damn fine show.

On a different note, I had a heartwarming experience today at the library - one of my 13 yr old boys that comes to visit me every day after school signed out 2 Shakespeare plays to take home! We were discussing the new X-Men movie (or rather I was listening, as he, a teen girl, and one of our library security guards discussed the X-Men) and somehow Caliban came up, and we talked about both The Tempest and Midsummer Night's Dream ,which he had already heard of. I then took him to the Shakespeare section and he signed both the plays out. Now granted he may not like them or undertsand half the language (hell, I don't understand half the language and I studied it in university multiple times), but the fact is he was interested and that is good enough for me. This is a kid who has not yet had to do the mandatory Hamlet or Macbeth in school, and usually only likes things related to Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas, Spiderwick, or Narnia. I suppose if I was an English teacher this would be a common feeling of bringing out the love for Shakespeare - but as a teen librarian, discussing Shakespeare with 13 yr olds is not a very common experience. After he left with the plays in hand I actually got a little choked up in the "my baby is growing up!" sense.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

I just finished reading Lisa See's Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and found it be one of the most beautiful and depressing novels I have read in a while - and I have read a lot of depressing novels (after all, I read mainly teen fiction and that genre is not known to be very Pollyanna-ish). Set in 19th century rural China, it tells the story of two girls (Lily and Snow Flower) who are matched at the age of 7 as laotongs ("old sames"), lifelong friends who experience the rituals of footbinding, marriage, and all sorts of other women's ceremonies and rituals that took place at that time. After the girls are married off to men they have never met, they continue to correspond by letters written on a paper fan, even when Lily's mother-in-law forbids that she communicate with a girl of such low stature. Through their writing (and occasional meetings) Lily and Snow Flower share their experiences of "bed business" with their husbands and their resulting pregnancies and the criticism constantly endured by their in-laws.

It is not a book for the faint-hearted as there are graphic descriptions of footbinding, miscarriages and death by typhoid. But what is most touching is the love that the two women have for each other - a much stronger love than they could ever have for their husbands. No, this is not a lesbian thing - their love is not sexual, even when they share a bed together and write invisible poetry on each other's naked bodies. Yes, that part did remind me a bit of Peter Greenaway's film The Pillow Book, but a little less kinky (and without Ewan Macgregor). The novel brought tears to my eyes on several occasions, and for anyone who knows my reading habits that means that I have to buy the book.

This novel was a nice change from some of the crappy books that I have read recently, and of course from the melodramatic pap I watched last night - the Da Vinci Code movie. Can I just say that Tom Hanks is the most overrated actor in the world, and no amount of Oscars will ever change that? He was good in Joe Versus the Volcano and perhaps Splash or Big, but anything that came after was given much more attention than it deserved. The only good thing about watching a crappy overrated movie like this (besides being able to criticize it mercilessly the entire time) is that now I don't have to read the book but at least I have a vague idea of what the hell it is about. Oh my god, this french chick is the last living descendent of Jesus and Mary Magdalene - it's a miracle! Call the Vatican, the FBI, John Milton and Chris Carter, this is breaking news! Whatfucking ever.

God bless the Middle Schoolers

If only 11 and 12 year old girls didn't grow up to become 15 and 16 year old girls. At 12, they still like me, and can actually be quite agreeable at times. I had some girls participating in my after-school craft (bead creatures) in the teen area today, and after I called one of them a rebel, she laughed, and then asked "what's a rebel?". Another one told me I was funny (which I took as a compliment even if it wasn't), and then I attempted to explain what Buddhism was to three girls who have never heard of any other religion than Christianity. Yeah, so this month we have this monk guy at the library from Tibet - no, that's not in Canada - and he's here doing some programs on making butter sculptures and practicing the art of meditation. Why is he here? Well, I guess he wanted to come, maybe he was tired of living in high altitudes - I'm not sure. Yeah, he's Buddhist - what's Buddhism? Well, it's another religion, and Buddha is sort of like god, but not really. I liked that they were at least a little bit interested, but you could tell it wasn't quite clicking.....

One of the girls, as she left, asked if I would get paid extra for staying late to help kids make bead creatures - because I was, after all, "helping out the community" by doing this. Damn, could someone tell my boss that? Give that teen librarian a raise! I'll add her to my unofficial fan club - along with some of my after-school favourites and the girl that saw me in a local craft store after I had visited her school to talk about the library - she came up to me and said "Hey, you came to my school the other day! I went to library to get a library card but you weren't there and I have to go now ok bye!" .... I'm becoming internationally famous locally, as my father would say, or glocal (global yet local) according to my friend. I'm a star!

All I can is these recent 12 yr old conversations certainly beat out some of the other ones I have had in past months - my favourite being the two 11(ish) yr old boys who were talking about smoking and and one was asking to bum a smoke off the other: You're too young to smoke ... how old are you, anyway? Old enough to be your daddy, he replied. It's times like that when I really wish I could have witty comebacks, but it just wasn't meant to be, and besides, I was a little busy being surprised by his comment. Luckily I'll be prepared for the next time that some kid says he's "old enough to be my daddy". And isn't that what blogs were invented for - for all those people that wanted to have a witty comeback but couldn't think of it till 4 hrs later, and now they have the opportunity to write it on something that may never be heard or read but at least those people feel better for having written it? Just a theory.

Who's laughing now?

I went to some local theatre the other night - a play called Laughing Wild that was set in 1987 New York and only had two characters performing two monologues, and then one final scene that was entirely unecessary. Although by the end I was lamenting the fact that I had lost $15 and almost 3 hours of my life, there were some parts that were so hilariously inappropriate that I really was laughing wild. At one point, the male character is having a conversation between God (a big water jug) and the angel Gabriel (a small blue water glass) where he not only says that AIDS was God's way of punishing homosexuals, but that all of his best diseases were really quite ingenious as well. In one sense the monologue was completely uncalled for and wavered over the line bewteen good and bad taste, but of course I thought it was great. After all, I love movies like Heathers and anything by Todd Solondz.

But what I thought was even more amusing than the dialogue itself was the fact that, apart from the couple kindred spirits I attended the play with, there was no one else laughing in the audience. On occasions like these (which reminded me of when I first saw White Biting Dog many moons ago) I always wonder if it is a prime example of me having a great sense of humour or of everyone else having no sense of humour (or some combination of the two). For this play I think it may be strong indication of the place I live in, my mid-sized Canadian City of God, and how many people, even the open-minded ones who attend plays such as this, would not approve of God and Gabriel chatting about AIDS in such a manner. I do have to give props to the director, who made the conscious decision to fuck some shit up by performing a play like that here. Before moving here last year I had many people tell me how Conservative it was, which might have been fine if it only referred to the government (and believe me, it does), but I didn't realize that 80% of the population here would be good god-fearing Christians as well. I'm more of an atheist myself, which surprisingly is not a good fit with those aforementioned 80%. Thus far I have been mostly able to keep my beliefs (or lack thereof) to myself, even though there have been a couple occasions that have almost put me over the edge. I have also recently discovered that it's a great idea to shop on Sunday morning because everyone (besides me) is at church and the stores are almost empty.

A man walks up the the reference desk:

Do you have any of the videos by Dr Dino - Kent Hovind?

Uh, I'm not sure - let me take a look ... No, I'm sorry, it doesn't look like we do. I may be able to order some for you - what are they about?

Oh, you should definitely get them - they'll be really popular. He has a website - you can order them from there.

(I go online and find the website) - Ah, here we are. Dr Dino - Creation Science Evangelism - Creation, Evolution, Dinosaurs and the Bible - is this the one, sir?

Yeah, he's a very smart man. This video series explains the truth about the dinosaurs - and he talks a lot about that garbage they teach in schools.

Oh, you mean evolution?

Yes, all that garbage.

Oh right. Well, I'll see what we can do for you - maybe we can set up an interlibrary loan for you...

The sad thing about that is that if we really did order the videos in they would probably be very popular at our library, given the religious majority of the city. Granted, many of them may not be firm believers in Creation Science Evangelism, but I'm sure if you suggested it to them they would be more than willing to take a looksy. I've also had conversations with teen guys who have told me "oh, I can't read that book ... it has gay characters in it", or "that new Anthony Horowitz book is Satanic and should be put in a Restricted section" or " I could never lie to my parents ... I'm a Christian". Well now I feel like I really need to listen to some Marilyn Manson - maybe that will make me feel better.

All the cool kids are trying it...

Weeding is fun (and I'm not referring to the kind that all my teens smoke in the park before they come into the library). I threw out (sorry, "discarded" ... I was hoping to burn them) 49 Sweet Valley High Books that haven't circulated for over 3 years, the Junior Baywatch series (if they haven't ripped out the pictures of David Hasselhoff yet then the books are obviously not worth keeping), and some enthralling Mystery Club and Cedar River Daydreams books which were mostly written in the mid 1980s and early 1990s. Given that most of my teens here were not even born until 1991, I feel that these books will not be terribly relevant, even though they bring up some stirring issues such as alcoholism, adoption and, gasp, best friends who stop talking to each other because they like the same boy!

On a different note, I'm still a little confused about last night's Lost episode, yes I'm a TV whore so get used to it, as 3 major characters were killed off. Granted they did have a few too many main characters to begin with, but was it really necessary to kill Anna Lucia, Mike and Libby? The only one that makes sense is Anna as she was obviously being punished for having sex with Sawyer, just like the girls in horror movies who lose their virginity in one scene and get murdered with an axe in the next. But I guess if you have to die it might as well be directly after having hot jungle sex with some white American trailer trash.

Death by Bird Shit?

Living in a turret has a drawback. There are these pigeons that hang out, year round, on the roof of the building and conveniently crap all over my 4th floor balcony. Previously this was just annoying, taking away from my desire to get a tan during the summer months and not being hit on the head with a bird pellet, but now I'm actually a bit on the worried side after having a conversation with a co-worker and watching House last night. It seems bird shit, especially pigeon, can cause cryptococcus spores that can be inhaled and eventually kill you. Ok, so not many people die each year from it, and most of them have severely weakened immune systems, but there's an outside chance that after breathing it in for a year I could be affected, right? We're talking about the girl who's been sick in nearly every country of the world she has visited and has had food poisoning multiple times ... if it could happen to anyone, it could happen to me.

So the question is, do I:

A) Buy a gun and kill the dumb-ass birds? (then I'd just have dead pigeons which are likely just as harmful to my health)
B) Ask the building managers to take care of them and run the risk of having them think I am the crazy lady in 4B?
C) Cover my balcony with chicken wire? (while Canadian flags are not allowed they never said anything about bird deterrents)
D) Ask my doctor if she has a herbal anti-cryptococcus remedy?
E) Move?

All are possibilties except for E, because not only is there a rental housing shortage in my mid-sized city, but I also really really like my apartment (apart from the bird shit). Maybe I should go consult some reference sources on the subject...

Jean-Paul Sartre said that hell is other people. Well, I think that those other people are teenagers. Now don't get me wrong: I am not one of those old cranky librarians that walks around shushing people and saying "those damn kids!" under my breath, I actually like teenagers. Or at least I did before I started my job as Teen Services Librarian almost a year ago at a library in a mid-sized Canadian city. I will not name that city as I intend to say a number of bad things about this city in the coming months, and do not want to cause too much trouble with my fellow employees, my boss, or even the city mayor. Actually I do want to cause trouble, but I don't want to get fired.

I basically have a love-hate relationship with teens, and unfortunately at this point in time there are many more that I hate than I love at my little old library.

I will not constantly rant about my job on this blog, but I'm not making any promises, should I happen to have a REALLY bad day and want to let loose. However, I do promise to share all sorts of humourous anecdotes about the life of a teen libarian over the past year. Read it or not, I don't care. But c'mon, don't tell me you're not tempted!