The Swearing Nun

It's decided: I'm becoming a nun. Because really, don't you think I'd make a fucking awesome nun? I could hang around with a bunch of women all day, see some cool architecture as I visit the convents of Europe, and occasionally, make a couple extra bucks at the church library or the church strip club, where I think I would have quite the act.

Why do I want to be a nun, you ask? Well, I'm just going on my previous lack of success with boys, especially in this mid-sized Canadian city. Let's do a Nick Hornby-ish list of those boys:

1. The airport guy who said "I guess it's not true then - that all librarians are kinky". Granted I am sort of kinky, but his meaning of kinky was that I'd sleep with him on the second date, which I would call just plain slutty. Kinky to me would involve some fuzzy handcuffs or some edible foreplay, a couple months into the relationship.

2. The 17 year old (friends of the brother of my classically cool friend) who was drunk but thought he had a chance with a girl 10 years older than him. I know he was drunk but I still feel icky about the whole situation, and I didn't even do anything!

3. The pretentious actor guy from the library who is "too busy" for me but has enough time to flirt with my co-worker.

4. All the dumbass teens at the library who attempt to flirt with me and say things like "you look better as an Emo", "you're too hot to be 28", "I'm becoming a vampire, don't girls like you find that sexy?" or "that librarian chick looks cute when she is mad" (which as we know around here, is pretty much all the time).

5. The German guy who is nice and has offered to make me a swearing librarian website to help sell myself to international libraries, but I feel very little for him, making me think that if I can't even like a nice guy who means well, what's the fucking point?

See why I want to be a nun? Or just leave this town for rainier, greener pastures, and maybe find myself a similarly disgruntled guy in the UK, which I think could be quite easily arranged, given how wonderful my teeth are and how grumpy many Brits are.