Bible directors
The name of the post does not imply that I have become religious in any sense, in fact it is quite the opposite. An email from a friend a couple weeks ago inspired me to think about who would direct the Bible, if it were turned into a major motion picture. Here are a few of my ideas so far, but I invite people to suggest other alternatives.
Quentin Tarantino could direct The Bible, but it would have a lot of blood (which would be ok), swearing, and Judas would get his ear cut off for being such a dick.
Peter Jackson could direct the Bible, but it would have to be filmed in New Zealand and have some Orcs and Elves.
Danny Boyle could direct the Bible but it would have to be filmed in Scotland and have Jesus played by Ewan Macgregor, who would be a heroin addict.
Ron Howard could direct the Bible but Tom Hanks would have to be God and he'd win another fucking Oscar for it.
Anthony Minghella could direct the Bible, but Gabriel Yared would have to do the musical score, Miramax would produce it and it would also win a shitload of Oscars (and preferably have Ralph Fiennes in it).
Tim Burton could direct the Bible but it would have to have Johnny Depp in it, be animated, and be a musical.
Lars Von Trier could direct the Bible but ... actually, he'd probably do a pretty good job of it. After all, it is a pretty damn depressing story.
I'm all out of ideas now but I'm sure I'll think of more later....
posted by WMJenner at 10:09 a.m.
2 Comments:
Yeah, I can see Tom Hanks. Maybe not as God, but as some everyman kind of figure, like Job, who God puts through all these tribulations to test his faith. At the end, Job loses his faith and rails against God. Hanks could do that. He'd have to cry, of course. Ron Howard wouldn't have to direct -- it could be Steven Spielberg.
Woody Allen could direct the Bible. Scarlet Johansson would play the Virgin Mary, and maybe like in the da Vinci Code, Jesus would live to a ripe old age. He'd move to New York and become a film director and suffer from writer's block, failed relationships, and terrible terrible angst. Initially his films would get great reviews, but the critics would start to sour on them, and when he divorced his wife to take up with their twentysomething adopted daughter, the press would crucify him.
Or George Lucas. He'd revolutionize the filmmaking world with his refreshing three-film take on the familiar story of the Gospels, and then fifteen years later, he'd go back and film the Old Testament, again in three parts. The prequels would suck, but they'd still make a lot of money.
Roberto Benigni. Who knew you could turn the Book of Revelations into a slapstick comedy with sentimental overtones?
The Wachowski brothers. Jesus knows Kung Fu.
1:34 p.m.
Woody Allen could also star as Jesus in the film and perhaps when he comes before Pontius Pilate he could recreate the courtroom scence from "Bananas".
6:06 p.m.
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