It's getting hot in here

I need to freak out a little before I continue with my day ... no, don't worry, I have not come down with any other diseases in the last week and am not dating Cryptococcus boy. These particular issues are work-related.

When I first started at the library in June 2005 I was overwhelmed with the position (being the only one in my department), but there was a certain safety in having the whole space to myself in that if I fucked up those mistakes were all my fault and there were few people who would even know that I had fucked up in the first place. But now I have a part-time employee, and will soon be hiring another to help with teen programs, and will be sharimg my desk with the new Outreach Librarian who starts on October 1, and frankly, I'm a little pissed off. Sure it's great to have all the help I can get when it comes to dealing with my impossible teens, but I kind of liked being the one and only teen librarian person here, and now I will no longer be the center of attention. Moreover, having staff means that I have to tell those staff what to do, which means I need to know what to do myself, which is not always the case.

I also feel like I am being a bit boxed in by the library director (which may be his intent) and it will be even more difficult for me to leave this job in a year or two, as I will inevitably do. Maybe he knows I want to leave and is trying to give me even more responsibility so I won't want to, or will feel that I can't, leave. On the flipside, I could say that hiring staff and then leaving wouldn't be such a bad thing because at least I would not be leaving the library completely high and dry. Plus I will have some bright shiny new skills to put on my resume. I am very conflicted right now - change is good, but I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and am a little tempted to run away screaming. I won't do that, because I'm not a quitter, but the thought did cross my mind.